Realistic Three Little Pigs

Realistic Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs that had just finished school and were moving out.

“Go out and build yourself a home,” said the mama pig to her three sons.

The first pig was a bit of a cheapskate, and wanted to spend as little as possible on his house. So he walked along the streets until he found a pile of straw, which he believed would be suitable for a comfortable, cheap house. He built his house along the main road after acquiring all the necessary construction permits.

The second little pig could not find any free straw, so he had to walk farther than the first to find materials, but he finally arrived at a pile of twigs and sticks. He too built his house along the main road. Being built of sticks, his house was more stable than his brother’s, but it still would not pass satisfactory earthquake requirements.

The third little pig had money to spend, so he spent it on his house. He was able to put more effort and resources into his home than his brothers. He ordered bricks and mortar, and hired a construction crew to build his home. The end result was a well-insulated, structurally sound house that passed all the current safety measures.

Now, living in the world with all kinds of folks, there was a wolf in town. The wolf was constantly hungry, but did not have enough money to buy his own meals. So when he saw three new pig houses being erected nearby, he saw it as a buffet. The wolf thought to himself, “I’m going to be eating well for the next few days.” He began to plan his attack on the piggies.

The wolf woke early one morning to commence the first part of his attack. He arrived at the first pig’s straw house, and walked up to the door.

“Hello Mr. Pig, I am a neighbor wanting to welcome you to the neighborhood. Would you mind if I came in for a drink?”

To which the pig replied, “No Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.”

The wolf, unsure how to respond, panicked. He stuttered out, “If you don’t open this door right now, I’ll um, huff and puff and blow your house down!” The pig was silent from within.

So the wolf took a great breath, and then blew as hard and as fast as he could. The front door of the straw house quivered and shook, but the wolf had some trouble. He just stood there blowing air onto a house, when all of a sudden he had an idea.

The next day, the wolf returned with a lighter. He again asked the first pig if he could come inside, to which the answer was again, “no.” So instead of blowing the house, he first lit a corner of the house on fire. He still blew on the house, but this time, the fire spread. The pig was barbequed inside his house, and the wolf enjoyed a nice grilled rack of ribs for dinner that night.

The next day, the wolf moved on to the second pig’s house. After news of the first pig’s murder, he knew that the second pig would not let him inside. Unable to blow down a straw house, there was no way that he would be able to blow down a stick house.  So with his lighter, he attempted to light portions of the house on fire, but the flames wouldn’t last. Hungry, the wolf returned home.

In town, after smelling a gas leak, the wolf had an epiphany on how to burn the second pig’s house down. He acquired some gasoline and a few eggs from a buddy, and returned to the pig’s house that night to soak the sticks with gas.

In the morning, he lit a single twig, and like magic, the whole house went up in flames. While the house was burning, the wolf cooked some eggs. When the flames had subsided, the wolf gathered the cooked bacon, and had a bacon and egg sandwich for breakfast.

Addicted to the taste of pig, the wolf desperately wanted to eat the third and final pig as well. He thought and he thought, but could not think of a way to kill the third pig. Fire and gas wouldn’t work because bricks aren’t flammable. He didn’t have the resources to demolish the house, with dynamite or construction equipment. So the wolf paced around the house, looking for any possible ways of entry. He finally decided on the chimney.

The third pig was somewhat paranoid after the deaths of his brothers, so he was looking out for the wolf. When he saw that the wolf was pacing his house, he called the police.

When the police arrived, they saw the wolf on the roof headed for the chimney.

“STOP! THIS IS THE POLICE. Please exit the roof, and no harm will come to you.”

The police began firing tasers at the wolf, but he was able to run behind the chimney. At a break in the fire, he hopped into the chimney.

The police began running up onto the roof to assess the situation. When they looked into the chimney, the wolf had gotten stuck a few feet below the rim. The chimney was far too narrow for a wolf with two pigs inside him to fit down it.

The pig talked to the police officer, who relayed the news. Smirking, he returned inside and lit a fire for himself. The wolf screamed until the police pulled him out and took him to jail, where he was sentenced to life.

The third pig thought he would be living happily ever after. He relaxed in his comfortable house, and spent time on his nicely mowed lawn.

However, one day, the wolf escaped from jail, returned to the third pig’s house, and ate him while he mowed his lawn.

The moral:  Don’t be cheap.

     This is a story meant to be funny as a realistic version of the fairy tale The Three Little Pigs. The assignment was to change a fairy tale, while maintaining a recognizeable storyline. It is completely fiction. I wanted the story to become more realistic, and it shows my sense of humor. If I were to revise it again, I would develop each of the pigs' character a little bit more so that it was more meaningful and sad when they were eaten.